“I get to do abc, not I have to .” - Me

From a young age, many of us feel an obligation or expectation to do certain things - to perform well in school, to pursue a successful career, to meet societal standards of behavior and achievement. Though these pressures often come from a well-intentioned place, like parents wanting the best for their children, they can instill in us a feeling that we "have to" do things rather than wanting to do them. This creates an undercurrent of resistance within us.

As children, we may resist doing homework, practicing an instrument, or participating in activities we're signed up for but don't enjoy. This resistance arises because we feel coerced into these behaviors rather than feeling intrinsic motivation. As we grow older, this pattern continues. We may choose college majors, jobs, or relationship partners based on what looks good rather than what intrinsically fulfills us. This can lead to going through motions without full engagement.

Over time, this tendency to resist externally imposed expectations can solidify into a major hindrance. We may start to rebel against anything we "have to" do, even if parts of it align with our own desires. We may oscillate between conformity and defiance, neither of which lets us find internal motivation. Years of accumulated resistance may leave us stuck, unable to move forward or make changes we genuinely want.

However, it is possible over time to learn to do things against our initial wishes or resistance. With practice and self-discipline, we can complete tasks we find difficult or uninteresting, even when we do not feel motivated. Developing this skill is important for accomplishing long-term goals.

The key is to identify the expectations we have internalized and separate them from our authentic wishes. Instead of rejecting all external pressures, we can thoughtfully examine each one and actively choose how to respond.